Finding Fulfillment and Joy in What Matters

Flashback 9 months ago...my car was a workhorse and my primary role was a chauffeur.  I was working two jobs and constantly going somewhere or doing something.  Rest - what is that?  "I'll rest when I'm dead" was my philosophy.

All of that came to a halt on March 12th.  

And I remember some of my first feelings where I didn't have to go anywhere or do anything.  Everything was quiet, still, and peaceful! I was still working from home, but it was different because everyone was navigating the new world of being virtual, and the work I did made a difference.  

In that time I paid attention to what mattered - my faith, family, and my own self care.  It was that simple.  No where to run, nothing I had to do, but be present in prayer, be present with my family, and be present in fulfilling my own needs (working hard and especially eating right and exercising daily for my health). As a family, we had joy.

Now, fast forward to the present.  School has started again.  Activities have started again.  Everything may look and feel different and weird, but everyone is trying to return everything.  I find myself running, running, and running some more - and my tank is running on fumes. I do not find fulfillment in almost anything.  I get to Tuesday and it will feel like a Friday.  And I know this lifestyle is not working. It's not just me.  There is not a day that goes by that I don't talk to someone, a parent, who is struggling with this "return." 

What happened to what mattered? It was pushed aside by life returning to normal.  And while I agree, that this time of uncertainty has brought stress and anxiety to many, for me, what I feel is a deep sadness and frustration in losing those things that mattered.

We said we didn't want everything to go back to normal.  We knew that was not the best for us or for our kids.  We planned to reflect and only keep those things we needed to keep.

So I am at this crossroads, as many are.  What will this next chapter look and feel like? How can we return to a life full of activities that help my kids grow and develop, and still keep what is important at the forefront, and with that the joy we found in a simple life?  

In thinking this through, I thought of some reflective questions to help answer that.

1. What is important?  By naming your priorities, it will help allocate the time and attention to what matters.  For me it is my faith, family, and self care.

2. What can be let go?  This question is always hard.  But when we think of those priorities we named in the previous question, that might help to see if the activities align to those priorities.  For us we are keeping scouts, music lessons, bowling, and when it is basketball season, basketball.  I will be homeschooling them in their faith because that allows us to exercise our faith and be together as a family.

3. How can what matters be the focal point of the day? 

For me my faith was important.  I try to pray throughout the day, as I always have.  But I will take extra notice of small things and say a prayer of gratitude.  Family was important during this time.  Occasionally, I may still drop the boys off at an activity.  But now, I stay for almost all their activities.  If I do drop them off, it is to fulfill self care so that I do not neglect myself, the third thing I found important.  But I also find other moments in the day for myself - drinking a cup of tea, lighting a fall candle, organizing something, or staying in the shower a couple extra minutes.

This balance and gradual return is a struggle.  But reflection at the end of the day has helped me let go of moments in the day that do not matter - that suck the joy away. Instead through reflection, I latch on to those moments that fulfill what is important - that shower my family and myself with joy.

So take a moment to reflect on what matters in your life as things return to normal and make the changes you and your family need for fulfillment and joy.

For additional reading and ideas about paying attention to what matters, read 10 Signs You Know What Matters published in Psychology Today.